Normal Robin and Evil Robin (Teen Titans fan fiction)

"Eeeughhh!!!" 

Normal Robin woke up with honey all over his face. 

"Had enough yet?" smirked evil Robin. Evil Robin was wearing a rust-orange mask and outfit, and had honey dripping from his fingers. Normal Robin was wearing his customary green and red outfit, and normal eye-mask, which made his face always so expressive. When he woke up and made the "euuugh" sound, he looked like the image above. He grabbed Evil Robin's face by the ears. 

"Why'd you do that??? Argggghhhh..."

"Heh," said evil Robin, smirking (why was he always smirking?). "So you would know what it was like to be me. You're always criticizing my orange outfit and mask."

"Why couldn't you just use paint or something at least...?? Why'd it have to be honey ? Arghh....Now I have to clean this off my bedsheets..."

"So you knew how sticky it made me feel when you talked down to me," said Evil Robin, winking. 

It really seemed like Evil Robin was really leaning into being evil. At least, that's what Normal Robin was thinking. Seriously, honey? Why'd he have to do that? He would have to find some way to punish him...If only he still wasn't connected to this nasty probe thing that would cause him death if he so much as lifted a finger against Evil Robin. Normal Robin thought to himself, didn't Evil Robin get taken care of in episode 13 of season 1??? Why was he still here, dozens of episodes later?? It was seriously getting annoying. And the even more annoying thing was, Normal Robin started thinking of more and more elaborate ways of getting back at Evil Robin...What if he just grabbed him by the neck, pinned him down, and started...What then??? Normal Robin smiled to himself slightly thinking of it. 

"What are you smiling about?" said Evil Robin, wiping the honey off his fingers. 

"Oh, so even you know the honey is gross..."

"Well, it's not like I would eat it..." said Evil Robin quizzically, looking at his own hands with a raised eyebrow. "Hey, do you wanna go to the beach today? It's sunny out."

"It's not like--" began Normal Robin. "Hey, where's everybody else? Starfire? Raven? Beast Boy? Cyborg?"

Normal Robin looked Evil Robin in the eyes. Even though they actually had the same mask (Huh, thought Normal Robin to himself, it's not orange like the rest of his outfit), for some reason Evil Robin's eyes had this mischievous glint to them, like a naughty puppy. No, not to anthropomorphize Evil Robin, thought Normal Robin. And if anything, he would be like a shark or something, something definitely not cute. Although Normal Robin sort of had a thing for sharks too...Or maybe it was just the way Evil Robin's haircut looked so swishy and spiky in the dark...

The previous night, as Normal Robin was showering, Evil Robin was whistling in that obnoxious way that he did, and somehow playing a harmonica at the same time. Normal Robin wondered how he had time for such shenanigans when he was supposed to be under the evil spell of Slade, his supposed "master". But ever since he had escaped the clutches of Slade and more or less defeated him, the fact that he was evil never seemed to escape him...and now that Normal Robin had also returned to the universe, as a sort of body double to Evil Robin, and their identities had been duplicated, Normal Robin had to deal with Evil Robin, like an annoying little brother, or like a cyst on his ass that he couldn't get surgically removed, no matter how hard he tried. 

The truth was, Normal Robin didn't exactly want to get rid of Evil Robin. For one, he had come to sort of recognize himself in Evil Robin. They were the same person, after all, and Normal Robin couldn't exactly hate him, in any case. And anyway, he was starting to grow quite fond of him...against his will of course. Normal Robin was almost done washing all the honey off his face and his outfit. He had to take off his mask to accomplish this, something that he never did. And the other thing was, something that he had perhaps realized last night as he got out of the shower (why was it always the shower? It was also something shower-adjacent when he'd realized he had feelings for Starfire), was that Evil Robin was kinda...good-looking. 

Don't get Normal Robin wrong, he also thought that himself was quite handsome. He would often do finger guns to himself in the mirror and click his tongue when he saw himself. That was part of the cockiness and self-assuredness that'd made Starfire fall for him in the first place, and something that the other members of the Titans would cheekily joke to him about from time to time...but with Evil Robin, there was something different...something palpable...something palpably different...Normal Robin just felt like Evil Robin just gave off this sort of mean-spirited, I-don't-care-about-anything vibe that was just really attractive. Something that Normal Robin was the complete opposite of, being so responsible for so many things after all, the Titans, Jump City, Starfire, his love...

He was supposed to be in love with Starfire!!! But how could he have eyes for Evil Robin...He cursed himself. But then he looked sideways to his right. Evil Robin was pursing his lips, eyeing a paper airplane which he was flying in circles high above him across the ceiling, lackadaisically. He had his legs crossed ankle-over-knee, and that posture was just so...

“How's Starfire doin', anyway?" said Evil Robin suddenly. It was like he was reading his thoughts. 

"Uhm, she's doing okay," said Normal Robin rather suspiciously. He looked at him out of the corner of his eye. He wondered what would happen if he lit a fire under his ass. Seriously, Evil Robin just looked so lazy and lackadaisical, it made Normal Robin border on furious. He couldn't take it anymore. 

"Take this!" said Normal Robin suddenly. He threw the honey-soaked towel that he'd been using to wipe the honey off his face and torso at Evil Robin. It landed on his face, making it completely sticky. Some of it had even gotten in his hair. 

"Hey!" said Evil Robin. "Why'd you...?"

Normal Robin wasn't exactly sure why he'd done it either. Maybe it was because of the way he looked, so masculine, sitting ankle-across-knee like that. Maybe it was because Evil Robin had brought up Starfire unwarranted. Maybe he simply wanted to retaliate. In any case, the deed was done. Evil Robin was completely covered in honey (his face, at least). 

"Blech," said Evil Robin. 

Normal Robin looked over, and he knew what he wanted to do. He walked over to Evil Robin with a swagger, filling up with a strange sense of...pride? Was it? Or was it horniness? In any case, he felt a bit taller. Even though he and Evil Robin were the same height, after all, being of the same body after all. I am battling with my flesh, thought Normal Robin. 

"Oh yeah?" said Normal Robin. "What about this?"

Evil Robin was supine, laying on his back, with honey on his face and neck. Normal Robin got over him, and pinned him down by the wrists. He leaned over him, and started licking the honey off his forehead. 

"Hey! Stop it! Stop that!" said Evil Robin. "Gross!"

"Heh," said Normal Robin. "I won't."

Normal Robin kept licking, licking down his neck, his clavicle, his chest, even though there was no honey down there...down, lower and lower...

Now, Normal Robin didn't have any particular moral qualms about going down on...essentially, well, himself, but Evil Robin, on the other hand...felt it was a bit weird. Wasn't this essentially a masturbatory fantasy, like two-person masturbation?? Wasn't this many people's fantasies, to be able to fuck themselves? Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men, thought Evil Robin. Isn't that an Amy Winehouse quote? That's not relevant right now. Right now, I need to get this non-evil version of me off me. This was indeed a weird, strange, otherworldly form of masturbation. But this was bound to happen, in this universe, no matter how light-hearted it is. 

"No," Evil Robin managed to squeak. "Don't put your hands down there..."

But it was too late. Normal Robin and Evil Robin were kissing, the sweet taste of honey escaping from each of their lips. After a few minutes of this, Evil Robin finished, but Normal Robin kept going. 

"Wait, wait, wait," said Evil Robin, looking into Normal Robin's eyes pleadingly. 

"What?" said Normal Robin gruffly. "It's not like you have feelings for me, do you?"

"N-no," said Evil Robin. "I was just wondering--do you want me to get more honey?"

"Heh," said Normal Robin. "Don't make me laugh."

()()()()()()()()()()()

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Author's endnotes - okay this was just a (hopefully ) cute one-shot that I'd wanted to write for a bit of a while. Do you like the concept? Lol...I just remember watching Teen Titans asked and thinking Robin's evil arc was kinda hot...Not just kinda...very. (Kinda) sorry for all the ellipses in this post...not sure why I included so many (were there that many?) Let me know in the comments below if you liked this dynamic/I should continue this fan fiction...Btw also I'm going thru my posts one by one and writing/finishing them...I have a bunch of posts/titles/topics that I wanted to write on from like a month or two ago and I want to get around to actually writing them. So that's what's coming!!! <3