Orange is the New Black reduxxx

(Damn it has been a month since I last posted on my blog. I have really fallen off. A big reason for that is I am on bedrest from my wound but that sounds like an excuse which it is. I am still able to type, it is just much more difficult to maintain stamina while typing while lying down. It really does suck though. I feel like I have the stamina of a horse and I am not meant to be lying in bed all day, but alas that is what the doctor requires of me, so I must do it. It really sucks ass, quite literally, because I have what's called a wound vac suctioning debris from my left buttock 24/7. So that's why I haven't posted on here in a month. Maybe it's for the better, though, because I'm sure it's hard keeping up with my bullshit 30/30 (30 days out of 30)..)

So here are my favorite characters from Orange is the New Black. I finally finished this series around a few weeks ago, all 7 seasons of it (with around 12 episodes per season, and about 40 minutes per episode, with some episodes ranging towards 1 hour, that's about 70 hours of TV. Which doesn't seem like that much, especially compared to LOST which incidentally I'm also trying to watch. It's taking forever). My sister told me I should engage with the media I consume instead of just consuming, so here I am writing about it. These are my favorite characters from Orange is the New Black. I may have missed a few, because there are just so many lovable characters, but this is what came to mind when I wrote this blogpost. 

 1 Pennsatucky (Tiffany Doggett)

Pennsatucky did not have to die like that. She simply didn't. The redemption arc she had throughout all 7 seasons was harrowing to watch, and she deserved a better ending than that. Unfortunately, for the sake of finality in narratives, sometimes the writers of a show may feel that a tragic ending feels more like an ending than a non-tragic one, so I do understand. And I also understand the message about drug addiction, and not relapsing once you've gotten clean, because that relapse can be deadly. However, come on. She almost got her GED! In prison! I was so rooting for her. 

But seriously, Pennsatucky was like, so badass. From meth addiction to diehard Christian to friend, she really was one of the characters who evolved the most in this show. And I thought the flashback to her earlier boyfriend was one of the more touching flashbacks amongst the different characters. Maybe I was just in a place. Maybe it was also the rampant Tina use. Anyways. 

2 Lorna Morello Muccio

Oh Lorna. I could relate to Lorna in the earlier seasons, because, well, I also once had a Christopher. My own personal Christopher. His name was ****. And when Lorna drove to his house to wear his wife's wedding gown in the bathtub--oof. That really hit me hard. The stalking, the delusion, the psychosis. It was all so real. 

Lorna was one of those characters that never really grew out of her psychosis, and that's okay too. I not only found it relatable but also quite heartbreaking, and in the end, when she split from her husband-in-prison, Vinnie, we all felt like she deserved better. Let's not forget her random racist remarks, and her role as "pharmacist" during the riot. Lorna, though perhaps not the most relatable character, was one of the most watchable. And that counts for something. 

3 Alex Vause

Alex Vause. One of the more morally questionable characters on the show, and we loved her for it. Whether it was the emotional manipulation, gaslighting, or just her severe coldness at times, there was always something shifty going on with this sultry lesbian. I also just loved her voice, and the Snape-like way she curled around her icy words. This vixen ultimately escaped so many close calls with the guards shoving things down her throat and trapping her in dealing phone chargers and extramarital liaisons, but she ultimately got her fairytale prison ending with Piper. Hooray!

To me, she was one of the funniest characters on the show, despite maybe not having as many theatrics as some of the other characters. She had that deadpan hilarity and kept her composure especially when circumstances became dire. She was always cool, calm, and maintained her sarcasm even in moments of near-death or catastrophe. I aspire to her level of collectedness. But also being not collected at all at the same time...?

4 Piper Chapman

Okay, you might be thinking. Four white women in a row. 

Piper, in my opinion, never did anything wrong. That is, until the prison life started to get to her. And the darkness consumed her. I thought the humor of her situation came from the fact that she was this suburban, upper-middle class white woman who seemed to be trying to make the best out of her situation, no matter what situation she got herself tied up into. Anyways, I thought she was also one of the funniest women on the show. I don't know why I thought she was so particularly funny. Maybe it's because I'm also suburban, so I found her the most relatable. I think the show's creator(s) knew what they were doing when they made her the lead, because I'm sure most of the viewers of OITNB were probably suburban. 

Whether it was smoking crack, or dealing panties, Piper was always out of her league and playing with fire in an environment that clashed with her sensibilities, which led to some hilarious situations. I loved the final scene between her and Larry where he psychoanalyzed the reason why her life took the turns that it did. She just couldn't deal with having a normal, cute life. And I thought that was poignant. 

5 Gloria Mendoza

Gloria was mother tbh. She was so badass. Whether it was facilitating santeria, helping out detainees in the ICE jail to call their children, or just in general being a badass, honest, straightforward biddie, she was always kicking ass and taking names. As corny as that sounds. But she was motherrrr. Like she was just so mother. I think her honesty was what got me the most. She just had an integrity that perhaps some of the other characters didn't have. And she just cares about her people and her children the most, and that made her so real. I loved Gloria.  

6 Joe Caputo Salvatore

Oh, Mr. Caputo. From jerking off in his office to jerking tears (not really) in the later seasons, I felt that Mr. Caputo was an adorably morally questionable character, as well. Well, not that morally questionable--he always had the best intentions, despite coming out as a sexual predator later in the seasons, which was evident in his sexually improper conduct in the earlier seasons, and, well, throughout the seasons. 

But I always had a soft spot for him. Maybe it's big dick bias, I don't remember what I was trying to say here. Maybe it was big dick bias, like he had a big dick so I had a yearning towards his character, or maybe it was white man bias. #oxfordstudy In any case, I thought he had a big heart and wanted the best for the inmates in the end, even if he was a typical #man and just #didwhathedid. 

7 Pornstache

Ok, hear me out. Although he was definitely a deplorable character in the first season, in his treatment of the inmates, trading sexual favors for drugs, and peeing in Red's Thanksgiving meal, prison is all about change, and growth, right? I mean, everyone there at Litchfield was there for a reason, whether it was for past crimes, or for current corruption. I think therefore this doesn't preclude Pornstache from his own redemption arc. 

I think this is a perfect example of the rocky ethics that undergird the stories of all the characters, whether staff or inmates, or civilians in this entire show. The point of the show is that nobody is perfect, and everybody has their own story and own reasons for being the way that they are. Although Pornstache wasn't exactly given a raison d'être beyond simply being evil, he was actually framed for something that Bennett actually did--which was impregnate an inmate, Dayanara Diaz. And the reason why he was framed for this rape, which rape he also did anyway, was because Dayanara was trying to protect her real baby daddy. Ultimately, though, Bennett was the one to run away, leaving Daya heartbroken and baby daddy-less, and it was shown in the last episode that Mendez (Pornstache) was actually the one raising Bennett and Daya's baby. I didn't even realize that this happened until I read the OITNB wiki though. It must have been a really short clip. 

But I just thought this was a perfect representation of the way that people can change and people make bad decisions and can have their redemption, though it was just in a really small way for Pornstache. But hey, he got what he wanted, which was to be a father to Daya's baby, Daya, who he loved. Even though Daya is behind bars for probably the rest of her life. He still lives on with the memory of that love, no matter how tainted. Well, how pure can anything be in prison? 

8 Dayanara 

I feel bad for Daya. They really put her through so much. But she was badass too. Just in a different way than Gloria, or Pennsatucky, or Taystee. My computer just autocorrected Taystee to "Taste". Lol. I really thought her relationship to Bennett in season 1 and 2 was just so sad, tbh. And the way she turned from cutest baby girl on the block to hardened criminal of the block was very depressing but also so real. She was quite simply, trigger warning, raped multiple times, both by CO Bennett and by CO Pornstache. By CO Bennett, even though they were "in love", because of the power difference. And by CO Pornstache (Mendez), for basically the same reason, and Pornstache thought she was in love with him too, so what's really the difference? The ethics really gets murky there. 

9 Suzanne

Peeing on the floor and writing nasty fan fiction about the guards? I can relate to Suzanne. But more than her more far-fetched antics, it was the way she cared for the other women around her, such as Pennsatucky in the later seasons, and the chickens in the chicken coop, which redeemed her as a character beyond simply being "Crazy Eyes", and made her human. She started out with being a character who was simply obsessed with Piper in the first season into much, much more. From being diagnosed autism as a child, to suffering from more intense delusions in the later seasons, Suzanne always struggled with mental health, which was a prominent reason why she ended up in "Florida" in the last couple of seasons, safely ensconced with the other mentally ill and elderly inmates. She even had a chance at romance with that Kukudio, who she also beat to death, tragically. A storyline which I subconsciously included in my own fan fiction that I was and am writing. #shamelessplug

10 Lolly

Omg Schizophrenic Lollyy......I found her backstory to be particularly touching, because although I myself did not go through as lengthy of a homelessness as her, I did encounter the police back in 2020, and my encounter with them was similar to Lolly's--unintentionally harmful, and ultimately caused by delusions, and in Lolly's case, hallucinations. #marijuanainducedschizophrenia. I thought Lolly was charmingly tittering, and her cadence of speech topsy-turvy and whimsical in a mentally ill way of course. I just thought she was relatable, and her backstory moment gave me a 5StarEpiphany. Stream 5StarEpiphany by Joon Gloom. I am so random. Anyways. 

11 Fig

This lady was fucking hilarious. Even though she was presented as the evil witch of Litchfield in the first couple of seasons, she showed herself out throughout the last few seasons, especially the season with the rio, to be someone with morals (though shaky) and a heart. She ultimately turns out to be someone who seems all bristly on the surface, but also tries her best to do right by the inmates underneath. I thought this show was really great at showing the nuances of individual characters, and showing them in different lights, to show the full scope of their humanity. Through all her quips and hilarious one-liners, Fig was shown to have more humanity than we may have given her credit for in the beginning. I hope her and Caputo's adopted baby end up okay. 

12 Taystee

To be quite honest, tbqh, Taystee also deserved better. Ultimately, she ends up staying in Max for the rest of her life, apparently, quite like Daya. And this knowledge of hopelessness led her down dire paths, even buying drugs from Daya to commit suicide. She was also obviously a really funny character and her relationship especially with Suzanne was quite touching, though it did not exactly end well. Although in the final montage I thought I saw her and Suzanne teaching the GED class. I love love LOVE how she was a GED tutor in the final season, showing that she had brains and heart. They all did. That's why we loved OITNB.