緣分

 緣分

I previously wrote about 緣分 here. It was in part three of Red Hearts, the Chinese fan fiction novel-in-progress I'm working on. But, psychologically, I feel like it would be okay for me to repeat some points. And I just might do that. Something that is disappointing to me sorta is that my view count on these here blogposts is consistently going down, but I think the quality of my writing is consistently getting better so. God gon' give and god gon' take. I was also reading some of my older blogposts and my thoughts seemed stunted and broken like stopped cigarettes. Now, however, I feel like I've found more of a flow to writing. 

But anyhow, 緣分. I think you can tell from the pink image I chose above, but 緣分 as a concept has to do with love, writ large. And I think it's pretty obvious that love is a topic I've been pretty much obsessed with. I mean, I'm always writing those dirty fan pics...I think love is one of those universal, timeless topics--well, love is both universal and timeless--that I never grow tired of. I just think it's so mysterious and yet so powerful. Like, how does it work? How does this cosmic energy transpire between two people? What exactly causes it? What precedes it? There is no precise science to it, and there shouldn't be. Though sometimes I wish there was, just for scientific completeness. But no, love is the stuff of poets, dreamers, musicians, users, writers, magicians, and...lovers, of course. 

Which is why I think the concept of 緣分 is so cogent and fascinating. I feel like I've been edging towards defining 緣分 for the last two paragraphs, towards confronting it head-on, directly. So what exactly is 緣分? Simply and most succinctly put, 緣分 is the concept we know in English as "fate" or "destiny". It's the meetcute in the movies where one character bumps into another and knocks the books out of their hands and they have to pick it up together. It's Summer meeting her suitor in the sandwich shop in (500) Days of Summer. It's two characters being in the same school together, or growing up together, like in the C-Drama A Love So Beautiful. Ok I have thought of three examples, so by literary convention I don't have to think of anymore. But I think the rule of three is good, because I'm pretty sure you get the idea at this point. 緣分 is when two characters, erm, people are meant to be, fated to meet, destined to end up together, etc. It is this idea that the universe has a plan for these two specific people in space and time. I wish I could be more poetic with is, but yeah. 

Etymologically, and I already discussed this here, but I just also think it's interesting enough to discuss again. But since Chinese has a lot of homophones--words that sound alike--緣分 phonetically makes the word sound like "original portion" (ugh I already talked about this in the pic but I'll repeat myself I guess). And I think it's interesting because the 分 in 緣分 is also used to describe portions, as in food. Which is a great metaphor, if you think about it. The fated love that you get in this life is like the portion of food you get at a meal. And you better eat up, because that's all you get. Just kidding. Hopefully the Chinese conception of love is not so limited. More communist, less capitalist (scarcity-mindset). But yeah, just thought that was kind of interesting, linguistically speaking. 

Sometimes, I must admit, I wonder if I have 緣分 with anyone. I definitely felt like I had a 緣分 moment with my last talking stage body. Not to crash out over him again, but we literally met in class. Like it was a bump-into-you-and-your-papers-go-flying-everywhere type of meetcute except I was sitting down and my notebook was on my little fold-out desk. Sorry. I'm supposed to be over this guy. I mean, I am over him, but I don't think I'll ever be over him, kind of like you could never erase the fact that you're from your hometown, or that you went to the high school you went to, no matter how far you make it in life. He was sort of the first person who led me on (anywhere) in any capacity, and I will probably be having progressively smaller crash-outs about him for the rest of my life, this being one of them. 

But yeah, I mean I must have 緣分 or possibility of 緣分 with somebody else, right? Btw, I'm noticing that the Chinese characters look so ominous, like such a sensory overload amongst the more rounded, curved, smoother out Roman characters. The Chinese characters just look so dense and rune-like. That's what I love about Chinese. It looks you're casting a spell. Is that racist? Lol. I'm also trying to be less woke, like de-woke myself. But I feel like I must have 緣分 with some other person out there. I must. I just simply must. I can't have only been dealt this one talking stage body. 

But I'm wondering if I can simply manufacture my 緣分 moment in the grocery store one of these days. I was talking to my friend about this, but recently, the last few times I've been to Whole Foods, there have been some cute guys there. Hopefully my mom doesn't read this and make us stop going to Whole Foods. But I wish I had more rizz, like I wish I could just approach somebody in Whole Foods and just ask for their number. But I'm not brave enough to do that and I'm afraid if I do they're going to tell me they're straight or straight-up reject me. But also, there's so many cute guys out there that it doesn't really matter if you get rejected by a few of them, probably. Or even by several of them. It probably doesn't matter. One of them is bound to say yes eventually I feel. 

But would that be 緣分 if I'm the one reaching out? If the opportunity didn't just fall into my lap, like it did that one time? Would I be muddling with fate, in that case? I don't think so, personally. I think it's true, as the ancient Chinese probably invented the concept of fate purposefully, that fate is something that is out of your control. But at the same time, I believe we can make our fates work in our favor, if we work towards our goals, and place ourselves in enough situations to allow fate to work its own magic. Who's to say we can't chase fate? I think someone once said something about yes you have to have a certain amount of luck to be successful, but you have to be prepared when luck knocks on your door. And I believe in that. Maybe I am a dreamer. 

Which is all to say, I really kind of want a boyfriend. So I'm prepared to hit on the next cute guy I see, be it at the park, in the store, in the library, wherever. 2025 is my year!!! And you can find your 緣分 somehow, somewhere, too. I believe in u, <3