60secondfairytales

* * *  It's true, caffeine is a socially sanctioned  addiction  that is more pervasive than any other addiction.  I've been reading through r/decaf and going through my own ups and downs when it comes to caffeine and /or coffee and my present presentiments about it. On the night before Christmas, I prayed to G-d to release me from the grasp of caffeine, and on Christmas, I spent my first day in a long time without caffeine. I didn't even drink decaf coffee that day.  And I'm not even going to lie, I did not have a very tea day that day. I mean, I didn't even have tea! I think I pretty much spent the whole day lying on the couch in the room adjacent to the backyard door, with the sunlight streaming in through the plexiglass (?)--I think it's more like plexiplastic--door and with me lying on the brown couch alternating between consciousnesses. It wasn't my first time in recent memory doing this--sleeping all through the day, but I think it was my first time in...

(Damn it has been a month since I last posted on my blog. I have really fallen off. A big reason for that is I am on bedrest from my wound but that sounds like an excuse which it is. I am still able to type, it is just much more difficult to maintain stamina while typing while lying down. It really does suck though. I feel like I have the stamina of a horse and I am not meant to be lying in bed all day, but alas that is what the doctor requires of me, so I must do it. It really sucks ass, quite literally, because I have what's called a wound vac suctioning debris from my left buttock 24/7. So that's why I haven't posted on here in a month. Maybe it's for the better, though, because I'm sure it's hard keeping up with my bullshit 30/30 (30 days out of 30)..) So here are my favorite characters from Orange is the New Black. I finally finished this series around a few weeks ago, all 7 seasons of it (with around 12 episodes per season, and about 40 minutes per episode...

 A meditation on attention, how it works, and what it is...phenomenologically What exactly is attention, anyway? I woke up this morning with the idea to make a blogpost entitled "Attention is", on what attention means to me. And here I am, doing it. Give me a prize. This Nicole, this my new body. No here miles on this here new body. *the intrusive thoughts* I feel like it's true, we live in an attention society. Attention is the currency by which we tokenize our affection for each other. When we watch someone's video, or linger on someone's photo or reel, we are effectively and affectively "giving them attention". But what can they do with this attention? They can neither use it to buy things, nor can they feel it physically, the same way I can feel someone's eyes on me when they are watching me in real life. They can feel it virtually in the form of likes, but most of the people who give a post attention or even a view do not actually like it (at le...

 1 I think the schizophrenic symptom of thinking the celebrity in the TV is speaking directly to you is perfectly valid, because the technology of the TV is so new anyway, and if we were living in prehistoric times, that celebrity could be a tribal leader or something actually speaking directly to you. Like, in Requiem for a Dream, when that old lady on Valium thinks the people on the TV are talking directly to her, maybe it wasn't the Valium at all, but a sense that something should be the way it isn't. Does that make any sense?  2 I think not making sense, and hence schizophrenia, are essential elements of existing in the modern day, as pretentious as that may sound. (It is such a broad swath of characterization to characterize something as existing "in the modern day". But it's true, insofar as I believe it's true.) In order for something to make sense, it has to adhere to a preexisting notion of sense-value that is built upon years of systems that serve to...

 1 Dialectical Behavioral Therapy ?  Recently my therapist has been trying to push something on me. Dialectical behavioral therapy. She has been suggesting that I come to the dialectical behavior therapy group for weeks, and I've been telling her I already go to so many therapies that I am running out of the ability to keep track of when I'm going to them. So I told her I'd think about it.  The concept of dialectical behavior therapy intrigues me though. My therapist told me there were many different techniques and skills involved in dialectical behavior therapy, one of them being radical acceptance. Radical acceptance is the concept (I think?) of radically accepting things in your life as true, even if or especially when you don't want to accept them. An example of this is me with my anxiety, like radically accepting that I have anxiety, and accepting it when it does come up.  But I think more than things like radical acceptance and mindfulness, I'm interested in d...

 1 😭😭😭😭😭 I recently had a conversation with my friend Angela about the sadistic male gaze, and why I think it's hot. I will link it as soon as my YouTube allows me to click on my own channel page omg. We discussed the difference between sadism and masochism, and I think we came to the conclusion that sadism was when you found pleasure in inflicting pain upon an object, aka someone else, and masochism was when you enjoyed inflicting pain upon yourself. In this way, I feel like I am masochistic when I post things on Instagram and get like 5 likes, and my Instagram audience is sadistic by seeing my posts and not liking them. Jk (sort of).  (Note: This is just indicative of how obsessed I am with Instagram and my engagement thereof tho. Every time I try to meditate or take a nap my mind just automatically goes to why am I not getting any likes on Instagram and how many people are viewing my story. Still fun to connect it with sadism/masochism tho.) But in a way, I feel like ...